It's a Funny Thing, This Golf

 

Golf...Or as I like to call it "impromptu scavenger hunt for lost balls".

There is no other game that has inspired more one-liners, and jokes than the game of golf. 

As I took to my first golf course in 2 and a half years last weekend...they all seemed to come back to me.  It was the only thing that kept me laughing while on the course.  The rest of my foursome had plenty of things to laugh at without me sharing the one-liners. Namely, my golf game.

I remember Lee Trevino saying "If you're worried about being struck by lightning, hold up a 2 iron.  Not even God can hit a 2 iron".  I giggled to myself as I looked in the woods for the second ball I lost on this...the first hole.  Thinking, "Oh dear, I'm only supposed to be having trouble with my 2 iron"?

Winston Churchill came to my mind when I looked at my clubs in disgust.  It seemed my driver was letting me down, my 3 wood was no better, my pitching wedge was broken somehow, and my putter's "sweet spot" had gone sour.  My saving grace was remembering the words "Golf is a game where you hit a very small ball into a very small hole, with weapons ill-designed for the purpose".  How right you are Bulldog.  My game isn't bad...my clubs are.

But then it happened.  About 7 or 8 holes in, a clean shot, with a 5 wood (yes...out of the rough....).  My ball soared majestically STRAIGHT, and towards the pin, landing on the green, and I remembered, "Golf is a game of endless tragedies, obscured by the occasional miracle".  And after topping my next shot, then skulling the one after that...my blood began to boil.

While picking up my club after throwing it further than my last 2 shots combined, I realized golf wasn't my hobby.  Anger was.  And golf was a great means to an end.

My friend, in an attempt to cheer me up let me take a drive with his KING COBRA!  It REALLY helped.  I was about 50 yards further into the woods than ANY OTHER SHOT I HAD MADE ALL DAY!  The promise of a longer, straighter drive apparently didn't apply to me. 

While in the woods I learned how I should REALLY base the success and failure of a round.  As I picked up "lost" balls (I know really it was just other golfers as mad as I was, and refusing to go and get their "unlucky" ball), I decided a BAD round is when you lose a lot of balls, and have a high score.  A GOOD round is when you find JUST as many balls as you lost, the beverage girl is pretty, and you can remember at least 2 good shots. (By the way, it is good form to let a "lost ball" stop rolling before you pick it up).

I lost 5 balls, and found 6, the beverage girl had a nice smile, and  knew me by name at the end of the day, and I had my 5 wood swing, a near chip in, and hit a fairway with one of my drives.  As bad as the other shots were...I don't remember them.  It's an addictive game this golf.